successfully stealing churros

If you find yourself at twenty-five, or thirty, or fifty years old, looking back and thinking, "Man, I was definitely a better person in high school than I am today,"

  1. Thanks for reading the site, all of our currently incarcerated clientele.
  2. You done fucked up.

No one is a good person in high school. Well, no one you want to be friends with ten years after graduation is a good person in high school. High school kids call their parents horrible names, do all sorts of drugs, lie constantly, and cheat compulsively at the first opportunity - and those are the just the kids on the honor roll. You know what else high school kids do?

Steal from the fucking cafeteria.

That's right, please step just over here to dismount your high horse. 

Sure, it didn't help the lunch monitor's cause that the cafeteria setup was more disorderly than a Turkish bazaar and that teenage brains resemble malformed, moldy potatoes. Everyone stole at least once - or got caught trying. Shit for brains burnouts, the robotics team nerds, the girl who was voted Most Friendly four straight years - it would surprise no one if the original plot of The Breakfast Club was a bunch of kids all in detention for lunchroom theft. 

The easiest to steal were items served in small numbers, like mozzarella sticks (6 to a box) or chicken tenders (4 per carton), because you could eat them quickly in line then not pay, or self-contained items like bottles of Gatorade or foil-wrapped bagel sandwiches. Things like french fries were no good because you can't shove 70 fries in your mouth in a minute and a half, and open-air options like pizza or spaghetti guaranteed a mess even if you could surreptitiously slip them in a backpack.

One thing no one ever tried to steal, despite the well-researched teenage love of sugar? Churros. They were just too unwieldy. You can't put a churro in your pocket for obvious logistical reasons, if you tried to knapsack it your homework would end up covered in cinnamon and sugar, and if you tried to eat it in line you'd look like a hamster attempting to shove an ear of corn in to your mouth and you'd get caught by a lunch monitor.

Now it's unlikely Raf Simons designed this Fantasy Stitch Disturbed Sweater with one extra long sleeve specifically to solve the churro thief's dilemma, but potential wasted is a mortal sin.


Price:  $775

Brand:  Raf Simons

Store:  Idol Brooklyn

Why:  We already established in an earlier post how hard it can be to find cool sweaters, but this Raf Simons piece is in a different league. Continuing his oversized pieces from 2016, Raf changes things up on this particular sweater by over elongating one arm and adding a giant front pocket. The goal here is to stand out, to play with proportion in interesting and challenging ways, and to ask the wearer to blur the line between art and clothing. While perhaps not as easily first-glance accessible as the New York piece from the same collection, the way Raf challenges with this particular garment may make it the underrated stand out for years to come.