say fuck off without words

From a friend of a friend I heard about this guy, let's call him Dick. Dick got a college degree in engineering, moved out west, and started working for this big company doing the usual engineer bullshit. But Dick realized that in order to do the really cool next level shit, he needed Top Secret military clearance, which you only get one of two ways:

  1. Work for like 20 or 30 years in the defense sector and hope that you don't get picked up for a DUI or possession, or
  2. Join the military.

So, Dick joined the reserves. During the four months he was in Boot Camp, you could only communicate with Dick by writing letters, which he could read once a week and reply to only if his platoon had spick and span bathrooms and hospital corner bedsheets, or something like that.

When Dick graduated from Boot Camp, he said that the physical stuff - running through forests with 40 lbs on his back, operating on four hours of sleep - wasn't that difficult. The hard part was the psychological bullshit that the Drill Instructors tried to put him through and having the restraint to not yell back at them, 

"I have a real life outside of this, I live by the beach, I chose to come here so I could do interesting shit that you're not smart enough to understand, I make three times as much as you do and I'm 25 and you're 50, I'll be gone by winter and you'll be here for the next twenty years yelling at scared 18 year olds while your wife cheats on you and your kids resent you because you're never home and when you are home all you want to do is watch SEC football and drink Bud Light, and I'm better than you in every meaningful way so in general please just go fuck off ." 

We all encounter situations like this in our daily lives. The Starbucks barista gives you soy milk instead of 2% by "accident" because you were on your phone when you ordered, the bagger at the grocery store takes an extra long time because he sees you're in a rush and he just started his shift, or your accountant won't call you back because she's got Yankees tickets yet again and it's just so hard to find the time. Wearing this Visvim hand painted shirt is your way of figuratively screaming FUCK OFF to the universe while literally saying nothing at all.


Price:  $3,720

Brand:  Visvim

Store:  Mr. Porter

Why:  Short sleeve collared shirts are better than long sleeve collared shirts. That's not an opinion, it's a fact. Sure, in formal situations no one wants to look like Dwight Schrute, but short sleeve shirts are more easily layered under sweaters/noragis/jackets, you can wear them year-round (even if you take off your windbreaker in the summer a long sleeve shirt is still hot as hell), and allow you to tell the opposite sex, "Hell yeah I've been skipping leg day." This shirt from Visvim has hand painted lightning bolts on it (shout out this Kapital lightning bolt shirt that's also dope), is made from 46% Japanese paper (WHAT), and will be the most subtle of flex on anyone who dares cross your path.