There are specific tells that differentiate people with healthy appreciations for retail - be it fashion or footwear - from the general population, including but certainly not limited to:

  • Crippling credit card debt
  • Hiding packages from your significant other
  • Calling expensive purchases "investments"
  • Remembering exactly whose homes are No Go Zones for shoes

With friends and family you've known long enough the expectation is clear and there's no point in arguing - No Shoes, Yes Service. You plan your clothes and footwear appropriately and make sure you put on socks to flex in and pants with some break so your hairy ankles aren't out there intimidating children. 

On the other hand, when you head to a stranger's home, it's reasonable to expect that only under certain circumstances will you be asked to take off your shoes: you walked through heavy rain or snow, their floors were refinished earlier that day, or they collect and display heirloom rugs and the abrasive nature of shoes is simply not allowed on such finery. Outside of such specific situations, it's the host's responsibility to chalk up whatever damage their guests' shoes could reasonably leave behind as the cost of doing business - or in this case entertaining - and keep the, "Do you want to leave your kicks on or not?" decision in the hands of the guest.

Because if you're someone who has spent more than $200 on a pair of shoes even once you know there's nothing more confidence-killing than walking in to a house party or get together and hearing, "Oh, sorry, can you leave your shoes by the door?" What is this, a dojo? No thanks, let's stick with option A.

In addition to throwing off the entire balance and proportions of your outfit now you have to deal with self-doubt all evening. Even though most of this party's pants plebeians couldn't care less about the length of a hem, as a DSM 5-identified narcissist you're thoroughly convinced everyone is constantly looking at and judging you, and from now until the time you leave you'll have to muster up all your self control to hold in the proclamation, "These pants are actually cropped at precisely the correct length, they're just meant to be worn with shoes." And while you personally wouldn't have left the house without thinking through your sock choice it's a virtual guarantee that someone else at this party didn't take those extra ninety seconds, which means sooner or later you'll find yourself reaching for a pig-in-a-blanket someone dropped on the floor only to realize - nope - that's an errant pinky toe popping out a hole in someone's years-old sock.

So if you're heading in to questionable shoe territory, (side) lace up these F.A.S.t. Python sneakers from foot the coacher; footwear so fresh is certain to convince even the most worrisome host to make an exception. 


Price:  $486

Brand:  Foot the Coacher

Store:  Haven

Why:  foot the coacher's F.A.S.t. series sneakers are at heart a classic silhouette with a simple side-lacing twist, so if the Python color is too much for you the F.A.S.t. also come in a more traditional New Balance-esque deep grey colorway. This Python version is premium in every sense: made in Japan with embossed cowhide uppers, Vibram mid and outsoles, and leather overlays. The python pattern is also subtle enough to pass as a typical grey shoe from the distance but packs a visual bite when seen up close, one so stylish you'll distract your Mom's weird friend from both asking you to remove your shoes before dinner as well as her customary kiss on the lips greeting - two birds, one stone (or python).