NEVER TALKING TO ANYONE AT THE GYM

This'll be short, so don't lose the thread: No matter how cool someone's gear is, like, for example, these Nothin'Special track pants, under no circumstances are you allowed to chat up a stranger at the gym.

Even if you see a clearly oblivious novice about to be crushed by a rack of 45 pound weights, before you intervene ask yourself, "Does he look like he has adequate insurance?" If his company is covering his Blue Cross Blue Shield premiums, keep ya' mouth shut.

"But wait a minute," you may be thinking. "If I'm at the gym, and they're at the gym, we have something in common. Maybe that stranger will end being my new best friend, or roommate, or future husband or wife." 

No. Wrong. You are not correct.

Gym rules are like airplane rules; unless you're a sociopath, getting through the next sixty minutes (or six hours) without painful, awkward conversation is paramount. Like a plane, you should only talk to people with whom you arrived, and will later leave. That cute girl you caught looking your way was actually just trying to find the nearest place to fill a water bottle, and that guy giving you silent nods is trying to work out a crick in his neck.

Yes, it's impossible to deny that some people actively look to be approached at the gym; we see you, bro working out in $900 Yeezys. Don't give these narcissists the satisfaction of an IRL Instagram like, you're just feeding the beasts who put 500 pounds on the bench press then walk around preening for fifteen minutes without ever lifting the weight, hogging the bench from everyone else. 

Get in, get out, get on with your life.

 

Price:  $200

Brand:  Nothing'Special

Store:  Opening Ceremony

Why:  There's a time and a place for track pants - and no, it's not out to dinner eating Ramen on a Friday night - so when you do opt for a nylon, zippered, elastic waist pair of pants, why not pick a pair you know Shia would approve of? These Nothin'Special joints are made in America of 100% Japanese nylon, and the bright teal color pairs perfectly with the Neon and Day Glo shades on deck for Spring 2018. For these particular pants it feels like a 500 word essay is overkill. You need at least one pair of track pants to wear to the gym or when you're running errands in the neighborhood, so instead of some try-hard Lululemons just pick these up instead. The only thing not special about 'em is their name.