ICE SKATING FINGER SAFETY

If it's winter time north of the Mason-Dixon line, it can only mean one thing: outdoor ice skating rink season is back, baby!

Time to get out there and recklessly show everyone that you played hockey up until sixth grade (when players can actually hit each other, and your parents decided Math Team was a better option for their glasses-wearing, underweight ten year old) by flying around the rink pin-balling between couples on dates and dads trying to keep their children from cracking their skulls on the ice. When skating with the general public, especially around the holidays, there's really only two levels of ability present: dangerously close to falling from the moment they step on rink versus complete competency to the point doing crossovers and skating three times as fast as everyone else makes it almost more dangerous for that person to be on the ice than not. 

So before you show your wristband to the park district employee and step on the ice, follow one individual skater around the rink for a lap and count up the number of times she has to swerve, stop, jump or fall herself to avoid running over someone sprawled out on the ice. If your tally is less than three we've got some weird news to you, you're actually watching hockey but don't panic - it's a fun game to watch you, and you'll catch on soon. 

All this begs an obvious question: given how horrible at skating 95% of people are, how is there not at least one gruesome finger-severing accident a day?! 

Forget people hurting themselves by falling, the number of "Holy fuck how did that guy - who has clearly only been on skates once before in his life - avoid running over the fingers of that nine year old who wiped out directly in front of him? What's almost as mystifying is that the people who run the rink are not prepared for this eventuality in the slightest, since their official security guards are too busy showing off for pretty girls to help people up pick up fallen skaters, and it's not like there's an ambulance or EMTs waiting rink-side either. At the public rinks in Chicago you don't even have to sign a waiver to get on the ice! 

So what can you do to protect yourself in the event that you are the one lying on the ground, desperately trying to regain your balance and stand up before a runaway teen slices off your pinky? Make damn sure everyone can see where your hands are on the ice so they can do their best to avoid them. Instead of a pair of black gloves - or even worse for differentiating hand from ice, white or grey - throw on these yellow Deerskin Primaloft Gloves from Hestra to do the trick. Not only will you look stylish as you flail your arms wildly try maintain your balance, but when you take an inevitable tumble your hands will visible from far enough away that any reasonable insurance company will reimburse the cost of getting your thumb sewn back on.

 

Price:  $96

Brand:  Hestra

Store:  The Idle Man

Why:  Gloves are one of those accessory type garments people tend to overthink. Yes, wearing a brown belt with brown shoes makes more sartorial sense than a black belt, but add on a brown briefcase with brown leather gloves and you're more likely to have people wondering if you're a sales rep for a leather tannery than thinking how put together your outfit is. These yellow, deerskin gloves from Hestra help you avoid the matching game - unless your go to winter look is a yellow Deadliest Catch rain getup - and they're insulated and lined to keep your hands toasty. The grey wool on the elasticated cuffs adds a touch of panache and also offers a tiny transitionary element before the bright color pops. Plus if you fall down while ice skating, or god forbid on the street like a real clown, the yellow serves as Caution! sign warning others to mind your digits.