GETTING COMFORTABLE AT THE AIRPORT
If someone says, "Fuck, I hate getting stuck at the airport," obviously you will immediately agree, but you probably only think of two possibilities:
- For one reason or another your plane is delayed taking off from its point of origin, or
- Once you land you encounter some "not enough gates" tomfoolery and you're forced to linger on the tarmac like a child in time out
While these are certainly the most obvious time drains, this abbreviated list overlooks the much more rare but no less frustrating airport wait, the friends and family pickup delay.
Once you walk off the jet bridge - or grab your checked suitcase from baggage claim if you still travel like it's 1983 - that's supposed to be it; you made it to your destination, and surely it will only be minutes until a wheeled vehicle is delivering you to the day's endpoint. Your body is no longer prepared for anything to go wrong because the difficult logistics - keeping tens of thousands of pounds of metal in the air, coordinating a symphony of octogenarians in wheelchairs, stroller-bound babies and hapless tourists through narrow hallways and corridors, and endless prisoner's dilemma matches of armrest chess - have been completed. So when you start walking through the terminal and see your friend hasn't yet replied to your, "Hey man we landed, should be outside in 15" text, you chalk it up to being safe while driving.
As you pass by the lost luggage counter on your way outside and shoot another message, "Walking outside now. Door 1C" with still no previous reply, annoyance begins to stir. You scroll back through your text history from last week and verify you sent over the right date, time and airline, which of course you did, so you walk out and look for your ride. After five minutes of shivering in single digit temperatures you head back in to the terminal, pull out your phone, dial, and... nothing. Voicemail. Annoyance has given way to worry, but with no keys to your friend's apartment and a suitcase in tow you've got no choice but to stew in place, and bombard his phone with calls, texts and Instagram DMs. As the hands on the standard-issue airport clock spin, worry becomes anger, which turns incredulousness and eventually booze-fueled disbelief.
Two hours after your flight landed, when your phone buzzes and you hear a frazzled friend lament, "Holy shit man I'm so sorry, I had your flight in my calendar as tomorrow and I was just at the Verizon store picking up the new iPhone and restoring it from iCloud so none of your texts or calls came through until right now I'm on my way," you can take solace in the fact that you wore this Sir & Madame Fur Parka on the plane, so while your day may have been nightmare your at least your outfit felt like a dream.
Price: $1800
Brand: Sir & Madame
Store: Sir & Madame
Why: When you take into consideration that once you pull the trigger on one of these fur parkas you'll never have to buy another blanket, quilt, or comforter again, its price seems significantly more reasonable. The luxurious fox fur lining solves the main problem that most cold-weather jackets face, which is that unless you wear an additional soft inner layer, the down meant to keep you warm is contained by stiffly sewn technical fabric meant to keep feathers in place. On the other hand, with this ridiculous lining you'll be looking for excuses to wear only a t shirt underneath as your skin wallows in furry opulence. And besides, if you're reading this you made it through the burning pile of old tires that was 2017; treat yourself and start 2018 off on a better foot.