don't be the cool sock guy

Don't be the Cool Sock Guy.

You can be the Iced Coffee Guy, the Guy With a Lot of Bags, the Guy Who is Perpetually Late to Meetings, or the Guy Who Registered the Email Address ThatGuyYouUsedToWorkWith@gmail just to use it as a one liner in a goodbye message on the day you quit your job (Full disclosure: I am that guy and I look forward to your emails). Be a person everyone wants to be around, or be someone so miserable your Uber passenger rating is 2.9. Just don't be the Cool Sock Guy.

"But what's wrong with being the Cool Sock Guy?" you ask, like ASIMO doing his best human impression.

ASIMO, Cool Sock Robot.

ASIMO, Cool Sock Robot.

The problem, you anthropomorphic vegetable stand, is while you think you're impressing people with a concerted effort to be a Cool Sock Guy, what you're really telling the world is: 

"I am utterly incapable of executing a style-related task above the animal kingdom equivalent of a monkey smashing two rocks together. While the rest of my outfit resembles a lumbering pile of taupe laundry, I was bought a four pack of pink polka dot socks from Sears and now this is my thing! I'm the Cool Sock Guy! Ladies love the Cool Sock Guy for his cool socks!"

Cool Sock Guys crave the recognition that their cool socks give them, because they know that there's no possible way they could spot a properly tailored pair of pants or identify an interesting layering piece, so like you distract a baby with a shiny, jangly set of keys, they draw your eyes to their cool socks to distract you from their otherwise shitty outfits. You can clock a Cool Sock Guy by the way he folds one leg over the other as he sits in a conference room or on the bus, exposing three inches of Cool Sock Guy socks, leading down to his square-toed Skechers he's worn to every occasion since 2014 where sweatpants would have been looked down upon.

Think of these CHUP socks like Spider-Man's mantra: with great power comes great responsibility. Now that you know where to find reasonably priced, cool, patterned socks that aren't lame, it's your duty to not brick the rest of your 'fit on a given day and expect CHUP to save you. 

In 2017, words matter. Be a Guy With Cool Socks, never the Cool Sock Guy.


Price:  $32

Brand:  CHUP

Store:  Today Clothing

Why:  When you're a college kid staring at crushing student debt, or scraping together money for dates at your first entry-level job, socks are an obvious place to save a buck or two. Hell, I remember a time when it was more convenient to walk a block to TJ MAXX and buy a new twelve pack of black, Body Glove socks every month than to play the game where everyone loses, "Will the washer and dryer in my building be both unoccupied and functioning today?" Once you have four figures in a bank account though, comfortable and stylish socks start creeping up the totem pole; there's absolutely nothing worse than seeing a boss or someone you're supposed to look up to hike up their pants and reveal white Hanes athletic socks, or ratty, old Van Heusen dress socks bought at Kohl's in 1999. You'll feel better knowing that instead of cringing, people who see your CHUP socks (which are sewn so they won't slouch down from calf to ankle the way cheap boot socks do) will breathe a sigh of relief that you went the extra mile to take your 'fit from a 98 to a 100.