The Last Jedi, the most recent entry in the Star Wars franchise, is now in theaters all over the globe. Here's all the information you need to participate in the conversation this weekend before you get a chance to see the movie:

Porgs are bad, and vulptices (singular: vulptex) are good. 

To recap.

Anyone who tells you that's an insanely incomplete summary that reduces a gargantuan film on which thousands of people worked down to a single, snarky line is absolutely correct.

But here's the thing: you're going to have porgs shoved down your throat for the next three years - the final installment in this new trilogy won't come out until December 2019 - so long after you're done debating the merits of Finn's storyline, or the complex relationship between Luke and Leia, porgs will still be there, mocking you with countless plush dolls, commercials and Macy's Day Parade appearances like the useless, gerbil, Minion-equivalents they are. Other than eliciting unison, "Awww's," every time a porg's dumb reaction shot hits the screen, they add nothing to the movie, and all the chatter that porgs are the new ewoks turns out to be malarkey. 

Vultpices are the thinking man's choice for non-human Last Jedi MVP's. They don't pander to the audience, play a real role in the plot of the movie, and generally look like they were created by adults instead of being the living Furby of a galaxy far, far away. Standing up as a vultpex truther might not be the best way to make friends at a party, so counteract the hate with this Corduroy C/Neck Top from TATAMIZE. You may be the holder of the most unpopular opinion in the room, but you'll be the wearer of the most popular shirt. Its secret? It's made with the finest porg hair money can buy.


Price:  $370


Store:  Alpha Shadows

Why:  This smock/overshirt/shacket/call it what you will from TATAMIZE comes in hot with versatility. Its golden color adds a popular shade to your wardrobe that's an alternative to the just-about-overdone camel topcoat of the moment, and combining a corduroy outer layer with a fully-lined interior and zippers at every opening ensures that you can zip it up or down to adjust airflow for any temperature. And since this piece isn't sold anywhere in America, you'll never have to worry about walking in to a crowded room then questioning all the life decisions that brought you to that point when you see another dude rocking the same shirt; you can leave that job to your perpetual crippling self-doubt instead.